From a young age, we are taught what it means to ‘succeed’. We are conditioned to win our parents’ approval and achieve the approval of teachers, peers, and the wider society. But success is so personal. No one else declares their own success except you.
When I first started writing on Medium a friend asked me, ‘Where do you imagine you’re self by doing that in five years?’ His tone clearly indicated that he held my pursuit in ill repute. I smiled — and said: ‘Writing better.’ Granted, he was thinking first of millions. I was thinking of returning as a better human. For me, it was not the money, not immediately: it was the craft, the sharing, the mind, and the heart. I determined success in writing better, not gaining millions.
The Societal Framework
However, we also tend to define success according to an external status quo. This version tends to revolve around external markers of material success, such as a high-paying job, lofty resume credentials, an impressive collection of material things, an expansive social circle, and a huge house.
By themselves, these markers are not exactly bad — they are neither inherently good nor bad in and of themselves. Yet a relentless external focus often breeds unfortunate comparisons. It can leave us with a diminished capacity for life satisfaction and less regard for our own needs. We get so caught up in the churn of external validations and attainments that we can get sucked into something that doesn’t feel real.
The Role of External Opinions
Sometimes, it can be with very good intentions, but external points of view might be misleading and harmful. Friends and family members, as well as your peers, colleagues, clients, and all the other people filling up your life, will want to tell you what to do, and what they think is best regarding you and your life. Their advice will be based on their own experiences, their own fear, and their own expectations, not on what you really want and need for yourself.
The more you take that advice as the definition of yourself, the more inauthentic, regretful, and miserable it will be.
Know Yourself
When you define success for yourself, it’s an empowering process that forces you to reflect and ask for what you really want; to dig beneath the noise of external opinions, and think about growth, feeling good, cultivating relationships, birthing ideas that matter, and making a difference. Your own definition of success will drive you to align your actions and goals with the things that really matter and light you up.
Your Journey is Unique
But there isn’t just one recipe for success or one straight path to your dreams. No matter where you’re going.
it’s likely there’s no single way to get there.
The truth is that, if there is anything sacred about our journey, it’s that nothing about it means the same thing to everybody. Reclaiming your journey means embracing the perception that your path won’t adhere to others’ norms or timelines. Growing into yourself means taking pride in your accomplishments to the extent such pride sits well with you.
Sometimes, that means being proud of how you’ve fully recovered your sense of wonder after loss, or that you put in the hard work to change who you are. Other times, it means living with cancer or a disability or even a sense of loss and abandonment. Whatever the case, taking pride in your greater capacity to adapt, and taking credit for personal victories such as the growth of a baby, the completion of your college degree, or the triumph you feel when you can, at last, open your heart and love again.
these make you the hero of a tale all your own, which means being the kind of person who organically and enthusiastically engages with life.
Believe In Your Self
Self-belief is one of the key pillars on which you build your notion of your success. It is the bedrock of autonomy. Self-belief is trusting yourself to design to accomplish what you most desire. Self-belief means allowing your courage, guts, mettle, and self-trust to open you up; to the authentically ridiculously sublimely you-forces — the hidden engines that take over when your self-belief is high and your negativity or doubts about yourself are low. It’s the kind of confidence that allows you to make choices — and retract sometimes! — on your own.
After all, success is a personal journey you take, and it’s defined only by the things that you think truly matter to your own life, whatever you were set to achieve.
Your sense of success and fulfillment depends on you defining it for yourself — from your values, your hopes and dreams, and the things and experiences that bring you joy and meaning. Of course, other people’s opinions can be helpful to understanding the world, environment, and context you live in, and provide you with perspective. However, their opinions should not dictate your sense of failure or success.
Trust the life you will carve out in the end. You are the only person who can dictate whether you have succeeded or not.~ Author