As your morning alarm goes off, you groggily wonder, “Why did I set it so early?” While brushing your teeth, you ponder, “I could use a haircut… or maybe not?” Hurrying out the front door, you reach for your keys, only to realize they’re missing. With frustration bubbling up, you exclaim, “I can’t seem to get anything right!” just as you spot your neighbor nearby.
Being caught talking to yourself might feel a bit awkward, and there’s sometimes a stigma attached to it, but decades of psychology research assure us that it’s perfectly normal. In fact, most of us engage in self-talk every day. So, why do we do it? And does what we say to ourselves really matter?
Self-talk, also known as inner speech, is the narration that goes on inside your head. It’s different from mental imagery or recalling facts and figures. Psychologists define self-talk as verbalized thoughts directed toward yourself or some aspect of your life. This includes personal reminders like “I need to improve my free throw” or reflections such as “The gym is packed tonight, I’ll try again tomorrow.” While most of our self-talk stays inside our heads, speaking aloud to ourselves also counts. Interestingly, psychologists believe that as kids, our first experiences with self-talk are often vocal, as children tend to talk to themselves out loud while playing.
Back in the 1930s, psychologist Lev Vygotsky suggested that this kind of speech is crucial for development. By repeating conversations they’ve had with adults, children learn to manage their behaviors and emotions independently. As we grow older, this outward self-talk tends to become internalized, forming our private inner dialogue. This internal self-talk plays a significant role in planning, problem-solving, and even motivation throughout the day.
Understanding self-talk isn’t easy for scientists. It requires studying a behavior that’s spontaneous and often unconscious. Researchers are still working to answer basic questions like why some people self-talk more than others, which areas of the brain are activated during self-talk, and how this activation differs from normal conversation.
However, one thing we know for sure is that the content of our self-talk can impact our attitudes and performance. Engaging in instructional or motivational self-talk has been shown to increase focus, boost self-esteem, and help tackle daily tasks. For instance, a study with collegiate tennis players revealed that incorporating instructional self-talk during practice enhanced their concentration and accuracy. Just like chatting with a friend can relieve stress, talking directly to ourselves can help regulate our emotions too.
Have you heard of distanced self-talk? It’s when you speak to yourself as if you’re talking to someone else. Instead of saying, “I’m going to ace this exam,” you might think, “Caleb, you’ve got this test in the bag!” Research suggests that this type of self-talk is particularly effective in reducing stress, especially in nerve-wracking situations like meeting new people or public speaking.
While positive self-talk can be empowering, negative self-talk can be detrimental. Although it’s normal to be self-critical from time to time, excessive negativity can be toxic. High levels of negative self-talk often predict anxiety and depression. That’s where cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) comes in. It’s a psychological treatment focused on regulating the tone of self-talk. CBT therapists teach strategies to identify negative thought patterns and replace them with more neutral or compassionate reflections, ultimately improving mental health.
So, the next time you catch yourself having a conversation with yourself, remember to be kind. That inner voice is your lifelong companion, after all.