Life is often said to be a tightrope, and few of us feel that the wonderfully tilted scale of recognition tips more decisively toward mistakes than accomplishments. That’s what gives a certain resonance to the old saying:
‘When I did a hundred things right, nobody clapped their hands for me, but the minute I did one thing wrong everybody laughed at me.’
How many of us can’t relate to that statement, recognizing our own experience reflected in the story, no matter our age, profession, or family background? Why do lies tend to resonate more than truths? The slings and arrows of misfortune continue getting more attention than the bounds of good luck.
The Weight of Expectations
Expectations shape attitudes in private life as well as at work. When you do things right time and again, it becomes the yardstick by which your actions are measured. This means that the achievements to which others give credit can slip into the realm of the mundane. They become the sticks and stones that hold the fabric of expectations in place for others. When we do a good job, the outcome of all the late nights and hard work is that more late nights and hard work are expected in the future. But, chances are, nobody sees your 20 hours of overtime.
The Amplification of Mistakes
On the other hand, when a mistake shows up on the perfect record, like a smudge on an otherwise immaculate dinner jacket, the shock of a single error can provoke much more heat than the tacit approval garnered by a hundred continuing successes! In part because of the human brain’s attentional negativity bias (a type of information mental processing that makes negative experiences more salient than positive ones), an error not only interrupts a sequence of compliance — it also leaps out in high relief.
The Emotional Impact
This discrepancy between the visibility of our failures versus our successes could have significant emotional effects: excessive striving towards perfection without credit for one’s accomplishments can result in burnout, and frustration and ultimately lead to a deflation of one’s self-worth. What’s more, the fear of screwing up can undermine creativity:
If we think we’ll be punished for our efforts, we’re less likely to try new things.
Strategies for Balance
This is unhelpful, and we need to learn to allow more slack and be more appreciative, both to and of each other. Savour small successes; help build an appreciation culture that is oriented to praising effort and consistency. But if you do make a mistake, don’t mindlessly berate or humiliate yourself or someone else. There is a way of pointing out shortcomings both to ourselves and others that encourages learning from them.
Don’t expect the appreciation to come from outside, first you appreciate you for at least trying
The quiet work and the loud screwup represent what can be a common human dilemma. If we can embrace the idea that solving problems is often about consistent, quiet effort and start treating mistakes as learning opportunities rather than something to be ridiculed, we create a value system that is, always, both humbling and helpful.