The Power of Letting Go

That cognitive aspect of letting go refers to the consciously managed process of no longer holding on to negative emotions, grievances attachments, or bondings that impede our emotional wellbeing or that we are unable to change. It involves actively acknowledging the reality of the past, with us no longer continuing to invest in things that deny that reality. This doesn’t mean giving up or giving in to losing hope, or comfort, or dealing effectively with our inherent human vulnerability.

Letting go means accepting the undeniable sense of being in a place where no amount of wishful thinking can alter the truth about our lives. But it also means that we are strong enough to leave past losses behind and free ourselves from the unnecessary weight of another life.

Crucial to the journey of letting go is the acknowledgment that we are neither more nor less than human, which means we are intrinsically flawed and liable to slip up. It’s important for us to understand and embrace this fact because it allows us to have self-compassion. It also allows us to see that when we do mess up, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, it’s part of us being whole, complete and authentic. With the addition of each mistake we make, we become more layered, complex, and, yes, stronger.

When we forgive, we release each other from the prisons of insult and hurt, petty indiscretions and outrages, hatreds and recriminations, resentments and regrets. Its energy has been diverted. Just as much as keeping unhealthy appetites in check, forgiveness helps us to feel free. Only when we let go of the offense, anger, and regret can we experience maximum joy and peace. Healthy relationships likewise thrive on forgiveness and the willingness to understand. Yet, without it, we are left with long periods of dark silence and discord, estrangement, and the force of past resentments and regrets that keep us forever apart. With freed emotions, we can also empathize. Empathy is the compassionate willingness to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. Compassion is the desire to alleviate someone else’s suffering.

In freeing ourselves from things past, we’re able to focus on the present and on a promising future, on change and on improvement. We become more flexible, more receptive to new experiences, more adaptable, and more able to be our most healthful, competent, and satisfied selves.

Practicing mindfulness is one practical way of letting go. Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of what is happening in the present moment. It involves observing our thoughts and feelings, without judgment, in order to develop a better connection with the here and now. Practicing mindfulness can help us keep grounded in what we have to release and do so, with intention and clarity. And then there’s the power of forgiveness. In my experience, forgiveness involves not only forgiving other people but also forgiving myself. Forgiveness does not absolve anyone from wrongdoing, but it does set us free from a life encumbered with bitterness and resentment.

From the initial process of unhooking to the delicate process of mending, letting go is often a tough endeavour. Doing it alone, whether it’s silently, secretly, or behind an air-brushed façade is only making it worse. Reveal what you’re carrying to a friend, start putting it out there, lean on the people in your family, or get professional help in a therapeutic or medical setting. When we can talk about our problems and have others cheer us on, our courage is empowered by their encouragement. And see yourself the way you see your best friend. Be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone can use a bit of forgiveness, so give yourself the gift of wisdom in Eric Hoffer’s words: ‘Welcome the future, even if it may be different.’